A popular belief right now is that we should all find our own peace or seek our own purpose by being true to ourselves. We ought to look inward to find what resonates with us and do those things for our own happiness. Since this mentality has become so popular, it’s something we should allseriously investigate. It’s time to ask the question: do we really find happiness by following our own heart and looking after ourselves before anyone else?
First, let’s look at ancient, God-given wisdom. Psalms and Proverbs are two Old Testament “wisdom books”. Psalms teaches that fulfillment and joy come from submitting to God’s will for us and being in God’s presence, rather than from what we can do for ourselves (Psalms 16:11). Proverbs 18:1 says, “an unfriendly person pursues selfish ends,” and what is a “selfish end” if not considering our own peace and happiness first? Even in the New Testament, we are told to seek the good of others above our own good, considering others as more valuable than ourselves (1 Cor. 10:24, Phil. 2:3-4). Jesus teaches that the ultimate good is not our own good, on the contrary, He says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).
Since the creation of the world, God warned humanity against the sins of selfishness and pride. Later, scholars started noticing that selfishness causes real harm to people. If you’re a Christian, God’s Word must always have authority over what scholars and their research are saying. However, since God created our world and He is the anchor of truth, good research points to God’s truth. This means that even people who don’t believe in God often find and share aspects of God’s truth with the world.
One example of this is found in the research of Dr. Johnathan Haidt. He is a well-known atheistic moral psychologist, professor at NYU, and the author of some popular and insightful books. We’ll look for a moment at his 2024 book, The Anxious Generation. In one chapter, Haidt dives deep into questions about how mental health differs between people who have a strong outward focus (on relationships and religion) and people who have a strong self-centered focus (individualism and personal gain). For our investigation, we will focus on four main findings.
- Relationships become strong and satisfying when people focus on one another, rather than themselves.[1]
- People with others-focused relationships have lower rates of suicide.[2]
- Thinking about ourselves first goes against everything the wise people of the past have taught us. [3]
- Spiritual practices that stop us from thinking about ourselves improve overall well-being.[4]
While it doesn’t always make sense that forgetting ourselves could lead to better mental health, it’s the way God designed us. In His life on earth, Jesus was the ultimate example of being others-focused. Although He never did anything to deserve pain or punishment, Jesus suffered God’s wrath for sins He didn’t commit. Specifically, the sins of everyone who puts their faith in Him, so that those who believe in Him will never have to suffer God’s wrath. Jesus promised, “whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty” (John 6:35). We can be satisfied in Christ, because through faith in His sacrifice we have eternal hope!
God is not a coping mechanism, and the Bible is not a self-help book, but because God loves you so much, He created you with the ability to have an eternal relationship with Him. Because God is love, and He loves his children, we get the choice to be filled with Him: the divine and eternal source of perfect love, peace, truth, and joy.
“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11
[1] “The strongest and most satisfying communities come into being” when individuals stop being “very concerned about [their] own wealth, health, and reputation” (Haidt, Jonathan. The Anxious Generation [eBook], pg. 171).
2 People in these strong communities “are also happier and have lower rates of suicide.” Haidt contrasts this data with the mental health of people who have a more self-focused, individualistic mindset, saying they “are less likely to thrive” (Haidt, pg. 172).
3 Johnathan Haidt says it is “exactly contradictory to the world’s wisdom traditions” to “think about yourself first.” In fact, he points to this selfish mentality as the source of much of the world’s anxiety and depression today (Haidt, pg. 177).
4 “There is abundant evidence that keeping up certain spiritual practices improves well-being,” especially those that involve “reducing self-focus and selfishness” (Haidt, pg. 170).
Written by Abbey Harley